Monday, February 1, 2010

Warning: This Post Contains Disturbing Content

On Saturday afternoon, Husband and I were able to go on a mini-date as his sister came over to watch Bella for a few hours. I missed one feeding while we were out and then I ended up not pumping an extra feeding later, like I normally do when I skip a feeding. So it shouldn't have been any surprise when I woke up at 2 AM on Sunday morning with a rock hard and sore left breast. I sleepily thought about getting out of bed and pumping, but - blegh - what a pain. That would make me fully wake up and inevitably struggle to fall back asleep once I finished pumping. Not to mention the fact that my bed was so warm and cozy. So when Bella stirred next to me, I figured I'd just dream feed her and the problem would be solved.

But Bella wouldn't cooperate. She kept wriggling out of my hands and turning around. So I kept trying to pick her back up and lay her into position. After a minute of this, it dawned on me that Bella wasn't in bed with me - she was in her crib, just like every other night. So if Bella was in her crib in the other room, then who was I...

That's right, folks. I was trying to make my cat breastfeed. I was trying to make my cat breastfeed. CAT! BREASTFEED! ME! GAH! As some of you may recall, I had a scary dream about this very issue back in my preggy days. I shudder to think about how close I came to making my fear into a reality. Ick. ICK! Stupid, broken, too-tired brain.

Told you it was disturbing.

I'll stick with water, you creepy lady.


  1. I just had to de-lurk to tell you how hard I laughed at this post!

  2. This post is making me write a comment for the first time. This is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Keep track of your dreams! Maybe you can see into the future :)

  3. gaaaahhhhh! That is funny as hell! Was there not a point at which you thought maybe Bella felt a little furry??

  4. Rebecca & Crystal - I'm glad my creepy cat story made you post for the first time! Comments seriously make my day, so thank you.

    Kayt - I know - I really should have noticed the problem right away as a cat is not quite the same as a baby (despite some similarities with poochy bellies and feeling soft and squishy). I now understand how co-sleeping moms can nurse at night without really waking up. I think Stevie is still feeling creeped out by me.

  5. THAT was the funniest post EVER. Thanks for making my day 150% better! :)